there are many questions i cannot answer about myself
there are more that i do not know how to ask
which means i live in a state of confusion
in a body that resembles a hostile nation
any friendship i find, therefore, has historically been unlikely
because i assume everyone is either an enemy or a lover
like my body has trained me to think
i do not know what friendship is
because all i have known is family
the good, the bad
the ephemeral, the fad
the happy, the sad
the sensible, the mad
all i have known is family
and i want to tell you
that is what you were to me
you were family in my mind
you were cruel and kind
you were far far away
you were easy to find
you were family to me
you were stability
and that was my illusion
you were not my family but a friend
i treated our relationship like it would never end
thank you for being angry
and helping me break out of the illusion
thank you for showing me how to care
i can care for myself now
i have a therapist and meds now
i have work and nice beds now
i wear clothes that are ironed daily now
i am living my life gayly gayly gayly now
thank you for teaching me how to be alone
confused but with no fear of the unknown
forever is no thing
i want to be your friend now