a list of artifacts recovered from the digitised archives of
the girl with the magnetic hands
1x bathroom routine, gentle, thorough
1x aesthetic preference for black
3x jars of patience, licked clean
908x letters, held back
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funkadelic
haven’t valued my life in very long
the thought of death is a silver thread
finding its way to me wherever i wassummer sky pierced by a cosmic needle
heading straight for the hearti fritzs me out
a shock to the systemit hasn’t happened in a while though
been listening to maggot brain
salve of the insane -
a changing orgasm
my first orgasm felt like
a waterfall of white foam
hitting its destination
at the rock belowa moment of ecstasy
brought down by gravityessential. inevitable.
0
0
0
i had another first today
a veil of black velvet
thrown over the eyes
washing out noise
and anxietyi emerge
minutes later
blushing over
my
little
impropriety -
canary
i do not know who chose to color
the apartment across the street
a soft baby bluesometimes i think
i should like to live there
and step onto its balcony
in bright neon pinkdeep brown coffee in hand
headphones black as night
streaming red hot ragethe yellow canary may fly away
but it settles close to its cage -
rebirth
there are many questions i cannot answer about myself
there are more that i do not know how to askwhich means i live in a state of confusion
in a body that resembles a hostile nationany friendship i find, therefore, has historically been unlikely
because i assume everyone is either an enemy or a lover
like my body has trained me to thinki do not know what friendship is
because all i have known is familythe good, the bad
the ephemeral, the fad
the happy, the sad
the sensible, the madall i have known is family
and i want to tell youthat is what you were to me
you were family in my mind
you were cruel and kind
you were far far away
you were easy to findyou were family to me
you were stabilityand that was my illusion
you were not my family but a friend
i treated our relationship like it would never endthank you for being angry
and helping me break out of the illusionthank you for showing me how to care
i can care for myself now
i have a therapist and meds now
i have work and nice beds now
i wear clothes that are ironed daily now
i am living my life gayly gayly gayly nowthank you for teaching me how to be alone
confused but with no fear of the unknownforever is no thing
i want to be your friend now -
falsetto
Angst Desiree was born with cactus for hair
which in winter fell from scalp unto hell
where it grew and grew and grew in the heat
a ladder for demons away from the seat
of Hades up to the head of Angst Desireeyour fate is in the words you hear her say
“hello and welcome to my life”
fire glints off the knife
where there’s blood
ain’t no strife
just a five letter word
that rhymes with breathAngst Desiree, child of the fae
born of disease, eats your pities
you would cease your worries
if you see what she sees
crone on a crystal throne
queen of all which is known
thorns around her mindwho could ever rise higher above her?
who could ever find a reason to love her?—
Grimly Cool was a fool
post-apocalyptic tool
laughed like a sinner
dressed like a ghoul
heart so warm
never needed woollaughed when life was pretty wept when it was cruel
every night she slept like a baby in a pool of droolyou could never get Grimly to condescend
to the sycophancy inspired by Desireeit was a lucky latitude where
each crossed the other’s way—
“move”
“why”
“i say so”
“no”
“you could die”
“try”
“why are you so, Cool?”
“Angst was made for a fool”
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0/0/0
i resent computers not allowing me
to enter a birthday before the 20th century
i am much, much older than that, Adobe Acrobat
i am older than the form of print you choose to eliminate
i am older than language, than poetry, than prose
i am older than a name, i am older than a roseso by what power in whose command?
can you tell me a birthday like 0/0/0 will not stand?
Balloon Girl 