i do not know who chose to color
the apartment across the street
a soft baby blue
sometimes i think
i should like to live there
and step onto its balcony
in bright neon pink
deep brown coffee in hand
headphones black as night
streaming red hot rage
the yellow canary may fly away
but it settles close to its cage
there are many questions i cannot answer about myself
there are more that i do not know how to ask
which means i live in a state of confusion
in a body that resembles a hostile nation
any friendship i find, therefore, has historically been unlikely
because i assume everyone is either an enemy or a lover
like my body has trained me to think
i do not know what friendship is
because all i have known is family
the good, the bad
the ephemeral, the fad
the happy, the sad
the sensible, the mad
all i have known is family
and i want to tell you
that is what you were to me
you were family in my mind
you were cruel and kind
you were far far away
you were easy to find
you were family to me
you were stability
and that was my illusion
you were not my family but a friend
i treated our relationship like it would never end
thank you for being angry
and helping me break out of the illusion
thank you for showing me how to care
i can care for myself now
i have a therapist and meds now
i have work and nice beds now
i wear clothes that are ironed daily now
i am living my life gayly gayly gayly now
thank you for teaching me how to be alone
confused but with no fear of the unknown
forever is no thing
i want to be your friend now
Angst Desiree was born with cactus for hair
which in winter fell from scalp unto hell
where it grew and grew and grew in the heat
a ladder for demons away from the seat
of Hades up to the head of Angst Desiree
your fate is in the words you hear her say
“hello and welcome to my life”
fire glints off the knife
where there’s blood
ain’t no strife
just a five letter word
that rhymes with breath
Angst Desiree, child of the fae
born of disease, eats your pities
you would cease your worries
if you see what she sees
crone on a crystal throne
queen of all which is known
thorns around her mind
who could ever rise higher above her?
who could ever find a reason to love her?
—
Grimly Cool was a fool
post-apocalyptic tool
laughed like a sinner
dressed like a ghoul
heart so warm
never needed wool
laughed when life was pretty wept when it was cruel
every night she slept like a baby in a pool of drool
you could never get Grimly to condescend
to the sycophancy inspired by Desiree
it was a lucky latitude where
each crossed the other’s way
—
“move”
“why”
“i say so”
“no”
“you could die”
“try”
“why are you so, Cool?”
“Angst was made for a fool”
i resent computers not allowing me
to enter a birthday before the 20th century
i am much, much older than that, Adobe Acrobat
i am older than the form of print you choose to eliminate
i am older than language, than poetry, than prose
i am older than a name, i am older than a rose
so by what power in whose command?
can you tell me a birthday like 0/0/0 will not stand?
Balloon Girl 