Balloon Girl

Balloon Girl

  • 5 things i like about myself

    i was looking for something nice i wanted to do for a friend
    but realized i was only acting on the obligatory impulse
    that seizes me at least once a minute, hour, day, week
    and that pattern of always putting something else before me
    results in repressed rage remorse resentment; what a routine

    so i stopped and googled “what to do for yourself”
    found a website search engine optimised to target
    girls clawing their ways of existentialist nihilism

    the first action item gives me pause
    so i start at the second:

    list 5 things you like about yourself

    number one: i am wicked smart

    like, no shade but this brain of mine is a marvel
    in how fast and efficiently it finds its footing
    on even the unsteadiest psycho-emo-logical ground

    number two: i am versatile

    in bed and out of it, my body does not know stillness
    i’m a restless dreamer with fingers reaching for more
    ADD can sometimes suck but at least i’m not a bore

    number three: my words hit nerves

    i don’t know if that’s as much a humble brag as it is
    a crucial problem i face on a daily basis

    i don’t speak like anyone i know
    i don’t write like anyone i know
    i don’t think like anyone i know

    i am trying to learn how to do it on purpose
    purpose is the only thing i have chased

    walked, trodden, ran, raced
    and now it’s here i realise
    i wanted it to feel different

    i wanted to not look at a cigarette
    rather than continue making the choice to quit

    i want my spine straight in photographs
    but bent when i sit

    i want realisation without actualisation
    i want to see the light, not to be lit

    a mind suffering from severe insecurity
    finds stability in rationalisation

    first-born unicorn
    hardcore soft porn
    dream of californication

    Red Hot Chilli Peppers

    number four: i am a fool in love

    i love some things more than everything
    i love most things less than nothing

    i give my heart to love
    and let it do as it pleases
    and love never ceases
    to give it back in pieces

    but isn’t that the way to be?

    loving like i love
    because i can only love as me

    number five: i am happy

    i am happy for the first time
    because it comes from within
    not an external validator

    aces don’t need an examinator

    coat me in transparent resin
    or drop me in a laminator

    love all you want, lover
    hate all you want, hater

    because i am perfect

     

    Poetry
    transgender, Poetry, self love, anxiety, it's okay, life, today is better than yesterday
    February 1, 2023
  • Boombai Nagariya

    Listen, there’s a thousand Bollywood songs about Bombay.
    About the Californication of it all.

    Bollywood lyricists love and use Bombay as a theme with the same load-bearing intensity that Anthony Kiedis does with California.

    There’s a thousand songs about the dreams it makes real.
    But none captures the loser experience as well as this one.

    Music Recs
    music, bollywood, california, rhcp, bappi lahiri, vishal dadlani, taxi no 9211, john abraham
    January 27, 2023
  • Hazy Shade of Winter

    Heard Gerard Way’s cover of this song on The Umbrella Academy, and it’s been a favorite ever since.

    “Carry a cup in your hand

    Look around
    Leaves are brown
    And the sky is a hazy shade of winter”

    – Paul Simon

    Music Recs
    gerard way, paul simon, Poetry
    January 27, 2023
  • a portrait depicting the emotions behind the following lines on the face of a feminine humanoid character: if i am the tyrant i am the revolution

    Aunty Hero

    if i am the problem
    i am the solution

    if i am the tyrant
    i am the revolution

    so yeah, right
    i’m the problem it’s me

    in the meantime
    i could also kiss me

    Poetry
    anti-hero, antihero, i don't actually know what a poem is, i'm the problem, inspired poetry?, Poetry, response poetry?, taylor swift
    January 19, 2023
  • attention! jester!

    finance

    hounded by guilt and shame
    in fury, in flame
    i entered the classroom of finance
    there was a toll and a tax
    to be paid for the fact
    that i’ve managed to survive
    be alive, be alive, be alive

    took my seat shook my feet
    in terror of defeat
    to the spectre of yester

    “Where will she hide?”
    “In whom, confide?”
    “Attention!” “Attention?!”
    “ATTENTION!JESTER!”

    ——-

    Suffice it to say, I learned nothing about the tax regime that day.

    Poetry
    bored in class, procrastination
    January 16, 2023
  • the existence of a feeling is not an aberration the void in your soul is not a hole to be filled

    shame

    i should behave myself
    i should do nothing of the sort

    there is no correction to be made
    there is no absolution of guilt

    the existence of a feeling is not an aberration
    the void in your soul is not a hole to be filled

    it’s just a hole so touch it
    feel its non-existence touch it
    smell and lick the nothing touch it

    breathe in the life
    breathe in the life

    Poetry
    alive, aware, conscious, feeling, okay, Poetry, shame, today, tomorrow
    January 3, 2023
  • my effervescent soul

    my effervescent soul

    let me suck the love out of you
    like a vampire and feed it to

    the black hole in my heart

    let me taste your hidden grace
    and take it away
    take it away

    take it away

    but my effervescent soul won’t stand for this
    no, my effervescent soul will stop this kiss

    help me get close to a rising star
    and bake me in their sun fire

    this train’s been running late from the start

    help me survive this game that
    i shouldn’t have played
    shouldn’t have played

    shouldn’t have played

    but my effervescent soul will refuse your aid
    no, my effervescent soul gets to my head

    what does one do
    what does one say

    how does one stop
    making mistakes

    how does one hear
    the heart and its fear

    and turn away
    turn away

    turn away

    from the pain?


    Poetry
    consciousness, heart, lyrics, me, Poetry, romantic, song lyrics, soul
    December 28, 2022
  • i am older than language, than poetry, than prose i am older than a name, i am older than a rose

    0/0/0

    i resent computers not allowing me
    to enter a birthday before the 20th century

    i am much, much older than that, Adobe Acrobat
    i am older than the form of print you choose to eliminate
    i am older than language, than poetry, than prose
    i am older than a name, i am older than a rose

    so by what power in whose command?
    can you tell me a birthday like 0/0/0 will not stand?

    Poetry
    hello world, is this where my thoughts live?, older and wiser, poem, Poetry, what's in a name
    December 27, 2022

Pixl Theme, Proudly Powered by WordPress

  • Follow Following
    • Balloon Girl
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • Balloon Girl
    • Edit Site
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar